You're killing me, SB

I don't feel good. My tummy started hurting last night after dinner. It felt like I had eaten too much, although I really didn't have that much on my plate. It was really hard to breathe, and I couldn't get comfortable. Perhaps in retrospect, I shouldn't have eaten that ice cream sundae right before dinner.

Then I woke up this morning feeling sick. I couldn't get back to sleep after Jack left at 5. This kid is really starting to get to me. Jack and I decided that tomorrow would be a good time for both of us for her to go ahead and be born. If she could just hang on until after the football game tonight, he has the whole weekend off, including Labor Day. I have pretty much every day off, so anytime is good for me.

However, I'm thinking now would be a good time. Jack's work schedule is really not as important to me anymore, since last night. Let me explain a few things to you. I used to have long, beautiful fingers attached to slender, gorgeous hands. It's true. But lately my hands have swollen up pretty badly. My real rings have been long gone, and now my fingers have swollen over the cheap replacements I bought at Claires. Which I guess isn't all bad, since now you can't see the green ring around my skin. It's just like in SBTB when the gang was about to graduate, and Zack found this great deal on class rings. Only they were fake, and they turned everyone's fingers green. Remember that?




Anyway, as you can see, my hands now look like giant blobs of play dough with five chubby sausages sticking out. And this just in: I've got cankles. It's true. I haven't really seen my feet in quite some time, but last night after cutting my socks off, I propped my feet up on the couch. It was then that I noticed my ankles were on hiatus. I'll spare you that photo.


I'm ready to get SB outta me and shrink back down to my normal self. It'll also be nice to be able to breathe again. and get my ankles back from their leave of absence. I really thought she'd be here by now, even though she's not due for 12 more days. I think I called her a "stubborn little parasite" to my sister yesterday, but MB didn't think it was as funny as I did. What would you call something that's been attached to your insides for nine months? feeding off your nutrients and causing all kinds of physical ailments? I've spoken to a lawyer about drawing up some eviction papers. If she's not here next week, I'm going to have my doctor serve her at my next appointment.

Did you see Alien?

OK, maybe it's not that bad, but I'm still ready to quit playing "host" and start playing mommy. I think things will be a lot more fun when she's in my arms and not in my uterus.

Anyway, I made some strawberry banana jello last night. SB's favorite. I think I'll go eat some. Maybe I can coax her out this afternoon. I'll let you know how that goes.

Also, I know there are strangers out there reading this who do not know me and therefore do not understand my warped sense of humor. Let me just go on record stating that all jokes aside, I love my little SB, stubborn or not. I'm going to be a great mom to the parasite, whenever she decides to detach herself and make her appearance.