Our Sweet Sarah Beth


Darling Little Debbie


Friday, November 27, 2009

Where is Dwight K Schrute when you need him?

Did you hear about this??


These two crazies strolled into the White House amongst invited guests last Tuesday and helped themselves to the President and his food. Why didn't I think of that?? Had I known no invitation was necessary, I might have done the same.

Apparently, gaining entry to the White House is only slightly less difficult than getting into an exclusive NY nightclub. Most VIP clubs toss you to the side if your name isn't on The List. But the White House? Obviously looking like you are supposed to be there is clearance enough.

Tareq and Michaele Salahi: See how important we are??

They are real life crashers, and Dwight would have bounced them.

It's Balloon Boy all over again, as the Salahis are (were) in the running to be "stars" in a new reality show. Maybe they should've checked with the Heene's before pulling their own publicity stunt. How'd that work out for you, Falcon?

Friday, November 13, 2009

I just got an email

from Tilex.

They want to pay me thousands of dollars to advertise for them.

OK not really. But I did just get an email from them.

OK technically Jack got an email from them.

I have no idea how they got our email address OR our mailing address, because the header of the letter included Jack's full name and our address. I did not write Tilex a letter, and I'm sure Jack didn't either. That is kind of scary.

Do the Tilex people spend their days trolling the Web, looking for references to their products? Am I under consistent governmental surveillance? The only thing I can figure is that Vicky is a long-time, loyal blog reader and a huge fan of what I do.

Taking that into consideration, I will excuse the fact that she referred to JACK'S kind words and generous comments about Tilex and never made mention of me a single time. It's ok, Vicky. I forgive you.

Here is the letter:

Dear Mr. Redwood,

We appreciate your taking the time to share your kind words about Tilex Mold & Mildew Remover.

Knowing that you like our products is important, and we value the generous comments you have shared with us. Because the marketing specialists working on the development of these products also will enjoy hearing your opinion, I am forwarding your comments to them.

Again, thank you for letting us know that our efforts have been successful.


Vicky Bullock
Consumer Response Representative
Consumer Services

They could have at least sent me a coupon.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Which means, "I have found it."

This is it. The holy grail of cleaning supplies. I kid you not; I have been so excited all day that I couldn't wait to blog about this.

My shower has some kind of inherent defect that causes it to become filthy and disgusting over a very short period of time. I noticed yesterday that it had become disgusting again despite a heavy duty scrubbing a mere 2 weeks ago. I mean, seriously, how often do you have to scrub your tub??

I wish I had a "before" picture so that you could see the difference. Take my word for it; it was embarrassing. Even after a backbreaking 20 minute workout with comet and a follow up meeting with Scrubbing Bubbles, the corners of my tubby were still lightly stained brown. So gross, I know. But in the 2 1/2 years that we have lived with this shower, I had gotten used to and even accepted the fact that the corners would always be brown.

"Try Comet," my mother would say. "Let it sit on those stains for a little while, then attack with a toothbrush."

My mom's best friend.

I did just that on several occasions, and it worked pretty well. But not well enough.
My back? Aching.
My hands? Dry and cracked and arthritic.
Tub corners? Still brown.

My next stop was here:

A desperate attempt at whiteness.

Scrubbing Bubbles! They do the scrubbing for you! Well, that sounded just dandy to my poor hands and back. Spray it on, wipe it off, voila!

No dice.

My mother still insisted that comet would do the trick. Undoubtedly, I just wasn't scrubbing properly.

Well mother, it's time to wake up and smell the Tilex.

I bought some today in a desperate attempt to keep my shower from scumming up so fast. I remembered seeing commercials for this stuff ages ago. According to the commercials, you should spray it on your shower walls after each shower to keep it cleaner in between cleanings.

After a long morning of cleaning that shower, I was ready to try anything, so I picked up a bottle at the Mart. At home, I sprayed down the main wall and two corners of the shower and let it sit for a few minutes while I fixed SB some lunch. I returned to the bathroom a few minutes later, ready to scrub one more time. The sight that met my eyes at our bathroom door was enough to stop me in my tracks and drop my jaw to the floor.

I swear to you, that shower wall and corners were sparkling white and pristine like never before. I still can't believe it. I did a little happy dance and then made it rain Tilex all over that tub like a hurricane in New Orleans.

I don't know what's in that stuff, but to me it is pure gold. Due to its high rate of effectiveness, I would guess that it is probably toxic enough to burn a hole through the ozone layer, but how do I know if the ozone layer really ever existed in the first place? I've never seen it.

Jack came home for lunch, and the first thing I made him do was go into the bathroom and look at our shower. He was just as surprised but perhaps not as excited. He's never scrubbed that tub before though.

Mom, I can't wait until you come back over here. I am buying you a bottle of Tilex Mold and Mildew Killer today. You won't believe your eyes.

My new best friend

Seriously, if you know what is good for you, you will go out and buy some for yourself.

Please allow me to borrow from Etta James to help express my feelings for Tilex:

aaaaaat laaaaast,
my love has come along.
My scrubbing days are over!!!
And life is like a song...

Spoiler alert: Everyone on my Christmas list is getting Tilex this year.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Playing Dress Up

SB's new favorite game? Playing dress up! The only problem is that one outfit is never enough. I was reminded of my little sister Mary Beth, who wore bathing suits every day of her life from age 3 until she was about 6. She often could not choose just one to wear, so she layered them, one on top of another, until she had on all of her bathing suits. SB has done just that with her dress up clothes almost every day this week.

Here she is wearing a ballerina leotard on her head with a hot pink princess dress around her waist and a white tutu on her rear end.

We also captured this video the other night. SB is on Day 3 of potty training, and after each successful trip to the bathroom, she demands a sucker or some M&Ms. She had been to the bathroom several times that afternoon, and by this point, she was on sugar overload. I think it's time to rethink the potty treats.

If only Jack had left the camera rolling for ten more seconds! She held her resting pose at the end of the video for several seconds after the camera stopped recording. This kid keeps us laughing.

Monday, November 2, 2009


SB rocked Tinkerbell for Halloween this year.

We went to the downtown Pumpkinpalooza the week before Halloween. SB went nuts when she realized that her costume equaled candy. She wanted to wear her costume every day after that and eat suckers all day long. She got to wear it again on Saturday to go around the neighborhood.

Several of our friends brought their kids over to go out with us. At first SB was a little hesitant with so many kids running around and wanted to stay in her stroller. After a few houses, however, she got the point, and there was no turning back. Jack asked the kids if anyone needed more candy, and SB yelled "ME ME ME ME I DO I DO I DO!!" and took off running down the street. I wished that I had one of those kid leashes to keep up with her.

After (finally) getting her to bed, it was time to don my own costume. I present:

Flavor Flav, Pee Wee Herman and Mr. T

I was pretty disappointed that I could not find any fake gold teeth in this town. Not even at the costume shop! My homemade ones were more orange than gold but better than nothing I suppose. Unfortunately, I don't have a shot of Jack's shoes. He had the tall white platform shoes that Pee Wee wore in his great adventure.

We went first to a zombie party, but Mr. T made us so late that we missed most of the fun there. We still got to see a few zombies, but I didn't get a single picture!! What was I thinking?? Trust me, their costumes were great.

After that, we went to see a band. I won a prize for my costume, but the best part of the night was seeing all the other outfits. My favorites were Garth Vader (Garth Brooks with a Darth Vader mask), Billy Mays (the oxi clean guy) and the Slanket couple. Yes, there was a guy and a girl there in slankets and slippers, both carrying steaming mugs of hot cocoa. Genius. Wish I had thought of that.