I am Emily's Multiple Personality

Bad news. I think I may have multiple personality disorder. It's a tough disorder to self-diagnose, but I took a course in abnormal psychology once in college, so I'm pretty sure I'm qualified.


I've been struggling with SB lately, telling her to hurry up and then freaking out every time I start having contractions. Then I start trying to push her back in. Some days I think I'm just not ready for that level of pain right now.


We had a little pep talk last week in which I told her not to be born until Monday (the 20th). I told her that it just wouldn't be fair for her to come on my birthday. I mean, I've been sharing my body with her for going on 9 months now; did I really have to share my birthday with her too? Also, the ladies from my church had put a lot of work into planning the shower on Sunday. It would have been so rude to miss it. She totally understood, and she stayed put all weekend. Then I thought I was ready for her to make her grand entry...or exit. However you want to look at it.


Obviously, she didn't come on Monday. Or Tuesday, even though I coaxed with all my might. Well, yesterday afternoon I started having all these contractions, and they started getting stronger. I freaked out and started telling her that I wasn't quite ready and that she was just going to have to wait. I wasn't prepared for the pain that came with these contractions. I didn't think it would really hurt until I was really in full-fledged labor. Not true. Apparently, BH contractions can hurt too. Enough to wipe the rosy glow right off my face.

Don't be such a wimp, you might be saying. But hold your tongue unless anyone has ever pressed ever so gently against your lower back with a jackhammer.


Obviously, I haven't been able to deal with the stress of imminent labor. After watching Fight Club for the first time yesterday, I figured out what must have happened. I created another personality to help me deal with the stress. I'm not sure yet what to name her, but she's a total wimp, so she should definitely have a wimpy name. Your suggestions are welcome.