Our Sweet Sarah Beth

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Darling Little Debbie

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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Yeahhhhh Boy!

Are you dressing up tonight? Jack and I have decided to go for it, since I have never done it before, and the last time we went to a costume party was six years ago, while we were dating. While Jack and I didn't dress up for that occasion, it was great fun going out and seeing all the costumes.

So we decided that this is our year. I will take pictures tonight and post them next week. But if you are still on the fence regarding your costume for this evening, here are a few ideas that I passed on in order to portray legendary hype man and reality star extraordinaire Mr. Flavor Flav.

Feel free to use any of these ideas, as they are all relatively easy to create on a last minute basis.

1. My top preference was Swine Flu, but I waited too late, and the costume shop didn't have a pig costume available. All you would really need is a pig nose and a pair of angel wings. Be sure to sneeze/oink a lot on people. If you are dressing up with a partner, he/she can go as the vaccine, which is certainly much scarier than the actual flu.

2.My second choice was The Bailout. Very simple to create with a business suit and tie. Make sure you have a bucket with you to ask people for handouts. Added accessories are optional but encouraged: a flashy, expensive watch; a large bonus check sticking out of your pocket; keys to your Porsche and so on.

3. A recent winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. You could dress up as pretty much anybody. Make sure to talk a lot about your ideas and say the word "change" a lot.

Have fun, stay safe and get lots of candy!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Coffee Talk

There are a few things that I have been meaning to share with you lately. First of all, this guy:



Cash Now

I have seen him before, standing beside a major highway in front of this check cashing joint. Last time, he was dressed in the same Uncle Sam getup, but instead of a sign, he was waving a handful of dolla dolla bills. Unfortunately, I did not have my camer handy on that occasion. You can imagine my delight when I saw him a second time; I even made Jack turn around so we could go back and get a picture.

Unfortunately, Uncle Sam wasn't wielding any money that day. I guess the economy hit them hard too. The American flag is a nice touch, though. Cash Now. Truly the American way.

You don't need a bank to cash your payroll check. No job? No problem! They will gladly accept your car title instead.

I think the message here is clear: Stay in school, kids.


Topic Number Two: A foreboding piece of junk mail


This gem was waiting for me in my mailbox last month. In times of economic crisis, most people go to the mailbox hesitantly, dreading bills, past due notices and bank statements of poor report.

So this company took it one step further and went for the jugular, reminding us that hey, we're all gonna die. Don't sweat it! You've got enough to worry about, what with dying and all. So why not let us service your phone until you kick? We won't even make you sign a contract, because, let's face it, you'll probably be dead soon anyway.

Please notice the skeleton hand reaching out, pointing out the fact that you are, indeed, going to die.

The best part about this gimmick is that there are no gimmicks!!

That isn't photoshopped, folks. I don't have that program. (Thanks, Paint, for the red highlighter.)

Anyway, hope you enjoy your day. I mean, you better enjoy it while you can.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Him??

Reuters: Breaking Ridiculous News:

Mr. President Obama has just been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

No, I'm not kidding. The committee said it was because of "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples."
and "attached special importance to Obama's vision of and work for a world without nuclear weapons."

He's an ideas man, people!

I also have a vision for a peaceful world. And it's my job too to promote cooperation between peoples. I give people a price for work, and then I promote them to cooperate with us and give us their money. Maybe I could win next year?

Obama said he felt humbled, Axelrod said he was stunned ( an emotion shared by the rest of the world), but after some digging, the press was able to find someone to congratulate him. They called his uncle. "We share in Barak's honor. We congratulate him."

Thanks Uncle!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Find out what it means to me

Kids these days...they just don't have any respect for anyone. Case in point:

I went to Kroger a few days ago because I needed groceries. When I arrived, my mom called, so I stayed in my car to chat with her before going inside. As I was sitting there, I casually notice this girl pushing her cart toward the cart return. "Good for her," I think. Too many people are too lazy these days to even return their shopping carts and instead just leave them sitting in empty parking spaces. Am I the only one who gets ticked off when you see a great parking spot, only to have your excitement doused when you pull halfway in and realize some lazy-o has left their cart in the middle of your spot?? Especially when the spot is RIGHT NEXT to the cart return?? COME ON!!

I'm getting off track. So the girl, hereafter referred to as "The Culprit," is pushing her cart across the parking lot, toward the cart return, which is directly across from her spot and next to mine. I've used the Paint program on my computer to draw a map for you. This little visual aid will help you get the full effect of the story. Please look at it. It took me a very long time to do, and do you have any idea how hard it is to write with that little pencil function?







I suppose the first thing I would like for you to notice is the location of The Culprit in relation to the location of Cart Return. I used the yellow brush to highlight them both. The Culprit was so close to Cart Return, she had to use about as much energy to take her cart there as she did to run her hand through her hair and flip it over her shoulders.



One other vital piece of information is the fact that Cart Return is only open on one side. It was not the side facing The Culprit. As you can see by studying your visual aid, The Culprit had to invest about 10 more steps round trip to escort her cart around Cart Return and into the loading area. It was all too much for her. About halfway across the space between her car and mine, she ran out of time. So she shoved her cart toward the back of the return, but about 2 milliseconds later, the cart went rogue and you can guess where it landed.




Right smack dab into the passenger side of my car. The Culprit hears the impact. She spins and freezes in horror.

At this point, I'm thinking she has two options:

1. Run over and apologize profusely.

2. Run away and don't look back.

As she is frozen in horror, I am still sitting in my car, watching the entire scene unfold in front of my very eyes. I look up at her. She looks at me. Our eyes meet for a few long seconds. I prepare for option 1. I am looking at her; she sees me looking. She knows I have seen all. she has no choice but to take full responsibility. While I fully expect her to run over and apologize profusely, offer to pay for the damage and insist that she is a terrible person, she chooses option number 3, which up until that point, I didn't know existed. Oh, she ran. But she looked back.

She took a few quick steps toward her car, then peeked back at me. I am in shock at what is happening. She's about to come over to me, right?? Option 1 is still available. But nay.

She turns back around and breaks full force for the drivers seat of her car, only turning her head slightly once more to make sure I'm not chasing her. Then she proceeds to cirsumvent me by taking the looooooooooong way out of the parking lot. See below.



The blue line represents the normal exit route for any normal person leaving the parking lot. Her row is one way traffic only, and it doesn't lead toward the exit. So she had to double back. The yucky orange line shows the escape route The Culprit took. The exit is at the end of my row, but The dirty rotten Culprit is afraid I will get her license plate number and hunt her down if she drives past me. So she skips my row and drives alllll the way around the parking lot and exits behind Kroger instead.

Clever little Culprit. I can't get no respect. I was so mad; I didn't even know what to do! Can you believe someone would do that?? She looked right in my eyes and said, "forget this, I'm outta here!" Some nerve.

The Culprit makes Emily feel:

You would cry too if it happened to you

I guess it's just been one of those days. A long one of those days. We had a wonderful vacation last week with Jack's family. A week long beachfest that ended much too quickly. We arrived home to a million messages from people needing our services. The past three days have been a complete blur. Returning calls, scheduling appointments, drafting estimates, invoices and roof reports.

Here is just one example of someone I dealt with over the phone today:

Me: Hello.

Her: Yeah, uh, do ya'll be doin' the roofing?

Me: Yes ma'am, we do.

Her: Ok, well, do ya'll do them free estimates? (pronounced estiMATEs)

Me: Yes ma'am, we do.

Her: Ok, how much you charge to come on out and see 'bout my roof?

Me: We do free estimates ma'am. There is no charge. What is your address?

She gives me an address, but I cannot understand her. I got the number, but I ask again for the name of her street and she says something like Ishcort, so I ask her to spell it. Instead of spelling the name of her street, she YELLS it into the phone.

ISH.....CORT!...and again for good measure....IIIIISSSHHH COOOOORRRRTTT

Then she proceeds to tell me which street it is "off of."

Well, thank you. That was helpful.

After we got off of the phone, I pulled up mapquest and searched streets around the street it was "off of" and finally found a street that sounded like ishcort. I hope it was the right one.

As if I didn't already have enough going on, our mortgage was sold yet again, this time to Bank of America. They haven't received our last 2 payments, because we sent them both to our old mortgage company. Apparently this transaction took place months ago, but Bank of America didn't see fit to let us know about it until they realized they weren't getting paid. They also didn't have a copy of our homeowner's insurance policy, and I received a letter saying they were just going to go ahead and buy some for us (from themselves) and charge it to our account. Lovely.

After an hour on the phone cleaning up that mess, going back and forth between Bank of America and our insurance company, I got a welcome break from a friend who had brought me lunch. We got to visit for about 2 minutes before Jack called with more work for me to do. While talking to him, I get call waiting from a customer. Then Jack calls right back to tell me that I need to leave the house right then and go open our storage unit so our supply company could drop off some materials.

So much for my lunch break. I had to run another errand, then got back late for SB's nap so she was cranky. I blew right through nap time working at the computer, then it hit me around 4:30 that Jack had invited a friend over for dinner. I run upstairs to clean up the house and start cooking.

Please tell me that you would have made the same mistake:



These two containers, while appearing identical, hold very different ingredients. I finished making dessert, put it in the oven, then I thought, "hmm...I should sprinkle a little cinnamon on top." So I pulled it back out of the oven (if only I had left well enough alone!!) and proceeded to sprinkle away.

Suddenly I froze in mid-sprinkle. That red powder did NOT look like cinnamon.

It wasn't.

Chili powder friendship bread, anyone?

To top it all off, I put SB to bed a little while ago and came downstairs to unwind. I just got a text from Jack, who is upstairs in the living room, right next to SB's room.

"Your daughter is up here screaming for mama."

I need a raise.