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Friday, May 13, 2011

Awwwwkward

Why do I insist on opening my mouth when it's better closed? This story begins innocently enough, although the scene is local liquor store. My sister just graduated from nursing school, and we decided to get a bottle of champagne to celebrate. When I entered, the bored young man behind the counter asked if I needed help. I didn't. I only had a $100 bill that Jack had given me for groceries (sorry, SB, no fruit snacks this week). The champagne was about $5. Only the finest for Mary Beth.

First of all, this kid looked like he was fresh out of high school. No way he was old enough to be behind that counter. I handed him the money anyway and asked if he could break the large bill for me.

Of course, he replied. "We're a liquor store! That's why people rob liquor stores."

I mistook his comment to mean that he had a sense of humor and as he opened his cash register and counted my change out of his stack of $20s, I jumped in with,

"Yeah no kiddding! I'll be back later with a ski mask on."

Well, he didn't laugh. I noticed he also didn't count my change properly, another indication he wasn't quite as old as he should have been. Although most preteens can count the difference between $94 and $104.

I talked him through the math and tried to lighten the mood.

"No need for a ski mask; you're robbing yourself!"

Still no laugh; COME on! Either he was still too confused from all the counting to get the joke or his sense of self-depricating humor wasn't advanced enough to appreciate it. Either way, I excused myself before I said anything else that may or may not have resulted in an unpleasant chat with one of Starkville's finest and an uncomfortable explanation I would have owed to my husband when he came to bail me out of jail.