Our Sweet Sarah Beth


Darling Little Debbie


Friday, March 26, 2010


If your name is not Deena Shelton, this post is not for you. I know this is kind of unorthodox, but it's my blog and I'll do what I want to.

Deena! I saw your comment on my last post, and I was thrilled to hear from you! However, when I clicked your name, I was dismayed to see that I could not contact you unless I had a facebook page.

I'm a total loser and therefore do not have a facebook page. So can we compromise with email? I'd love to catch up with you. What has it been? 8 years? I'm at redwoodemily@hotmail.com

For the rest of you who are still reading, shame on you, reading another person's personal message. While you should definitely be ashamed of yourself, you are also excited, because now you have my email address. Exciting, isn't it? But you should know that this particular email address is my spam catcher.

I have another, super secretive email address that I will give to you if you can prove yourself real. I will only need your name, address, social security number, mother's maiden name, a copy of your passport and the name of your favorite childhood pet. Also a credit card number. Email me with those few items, and I will send you my non-spam catching email address.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

SB said:

We went to the bank a few weeks ago, and SB has learned that the tellers will often give her a sucker if they notice her in the backseat. She was of course yelling for a sucker, and the kind man behind the glass was happy to oblige. He asked which color she would like, and SB said "blue." Dum Dums make blue raspberry and cotton candy suckers, both of which are blue. So he sent her one of each. As we were driving away, Jack made the discovery and said,

"SB! He sent you TWO suckers!"

SB said, "Two suckers??? He's a good man!"

A few days ago, I was getting dressed, and SB was anxiously waiting as she hopped back and forth on each leg. She knew we were going to Wal Mart, and that usually involves a ride on the horsey. I finally finished getting ready, and SB exclaimed,

"Looking goooooood, mama. Looking GOOD! Now let's rock and roll!"

She has also been telling us that she wants a baby brother and a baby sister. If she gets a baby brother, she will name him Tiny Tim. We have been talking a lot about my sister's pregnancy and how baby Madeleine lives in Aunt Meredith's tummy. SB has been taking it all in. When Jack arrived home from work last night, SB met him at the door and announced,

"Daddy! I have a baby in my tummy!"

Jack paused and then said to me, "Well, I've been wondering how I would react if SB ever told me that. I think I handled it quite well."

SB also likes to tell people that she is "getting a baby."

I have one more story, and although it didn't come from SB, I think it is still worth sharing. This one is from my six-year-old niece, Mary. Her grandmother asked her if she knew what Easter was, and after much thought she answered, "I think so. Isn't that when God created the Easter Bunny?"

And finally, I have a quick update on my recent post about my experience with the county clerk while trying to get a new license plate sticker. In case you missed it, you can read it here:


Last week, someone from that office called BOTH of my parents SEPARATELY in order to verify MY recent address change.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What's a girl gotta do to get a banana popsicle in this town?

We are officially sick of being sick. For the last 2 weeks we have had fever and colds, a double ear infection and 2 rounds of the stomach bug. Also I accidentally got SB high off children's cold medicine in a minor misread of the dosage instructions. I plead sleeplessness.

It all started 2 Sundays ago when SB started running fever at bedtime. Not a big deal, except with it came some serious sinus congestion that was so severe, she couldn't even breathe while sleeping. When given the choice between taking in air and taking in Z's, she chose the former. So between giving her fever medication and sucking out her nose, wiping it clean and coating it with vaseline, I didn't get much sleep either. By Thursday, she was so pitiful and I was so exhausted, I finally caved and took her to the doctor.

I absolutely love SB's pediatrician, but I would rather have forks jabbed in my ear while watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond than spend the day in the doc's waiting room with a room full of snotty kids and oblivious parents who are too busy tuning out the same old Barney episode that is blaring from the grainy television to notice their kids dripping mucus all over my kid, who I am desperately trying to protect from everyone else's germs. So I tried to make an appointment.

My one o'clock appointment turned into a three hour wait to see the LPN, who told me that the swab they so savagely dug out of SB's nasal cavities were negative for the flu virus, but she still thought SB might have the flu. I was so glad they subjected us to (and charged us for) that useless test. I was too worn out to put up much of a fight when she also told me after a quick peek in SB's ears that a double ear infection was also on the menu for the day and maybe a shot might be in order.

First of all, how do these people even diagnose an ear infection? They look in her ears and say, "Oh, it's red in there. Must be infected. Here is an antibiotic." Secondly, if she already has the flu, why are we getting a shot now? I wasn't convinced she had the flu, neither was I totally sold on the idea of a double ear infection, but I'm not the MD here. I'm sorry, I mean LPN. I also was not totally coherent at the time, and I probably would have bought magic beans from the lady had she told me they would make everything all right. So we did what they told us to do and bought all the medicine they prescribed and gave everything according to the dosage.

Well, almost according to the dosage. I accidentally quadrupled her cold medicine, resulting in a long night of worrying about brain damage while I tried to tame my drunken 2-year-old. In a panic, I called my pharmacist brother and probably woke him up to tell him what I'd done. After he laughed at me and called me an idiot (he loves me so very much) he told me not to worry but not to do anything so stupid ever again. We survived the night, in case you are wondering. She slept off her buzz and was able to recite her ABC's close enough the next morning to assure me that she had no permanent brain damage.

I'm not sure if it was the antibiotic or the stomach bug that had been passing through the families of all of our friends, but just as the congestion was clearing up, SB got a bad case of diarrhea that lasted for about 4 days. Thank the Lord that by that time, I had caught SB's cold. I have never been so thankful for a clogged sniffer.

We finally cleared the diarrhea stage, and my cold finally seemed to be subsiding. We were feeling better for the weekend and were looking forward to the sunshine that had been forecasted. My cousin and her husband were planning to come take in some baseball with us, and my brother was kind enough to share some tickets for the Saturday game.

We had dinner Friday night with Jack's grandparents, and I promptly left my purse at their house. We were halfway home on the 30 minute drive when I realized the error. Did I mention the baseball tickets for the next day were in there? We decided against turning around since SB was already way past her bedtime and already whining about something. Thank God we didn't turn around because as we turned into our neighborhood, SB let loose with a geyser of vomit that would have made Old Faithful spew green with envy.

I think that night was the longest of my life. Jack and I split cleaning duties. Between the car, the carseat, SB's clothes, blanket, bunny and SB herself, we spent a good hour cleaning the first burst before the second one came. On a related note, if anyone has any tips on how to rid a car of vomity smell, please email me at redwoodemily@hotmail.com.

I offered to take the night shift, since one of us was going to have to get some sleep in order to take care of SB the next day. I sat up in the hallway outside her room until midnight and was able to figure out that SB started coughing just a few seconds before each puke was coming. She threw up every hour like clockwork until about 2 am, then about every 30 minutes until 4. Jack mercifully took over after that.

After cleaning up throw up all night, I felt like I was ready to heave ho myself the next day. I stayed in bed and took an anti-nausea pill that knocked me out. I never did Benock (throw up), but I wished all day that I could so I would feel better.

Jack spent the whole day taking care of me and SB. After we went to bed, Jack cleaned the whole upstairs: dusting, vacuuming, dishes, laundry. He is the best. Also, Mary Beth brought me a banana popsicle, and her kindness healed me. She had to scour the town and almost gave up when she spotted a box of variety popsicles that included banana. Why doesn't anyone sell banana pops anymore??

Anyway, we are all better over here now. At least, we seem to be that way. Hang out with us at your own risk.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Jeffrey Osbourne and his Wings of Love

Ok I wouldn't normally post about this, but I have to admit I got sucked in by ABC's sensitive pilot "good guy," and I have been flying high on the wings of love all season. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, just stop reading now. For the rest of you who were with me glued to the tv screen every Monday night (or Tuesday morning for the tivo fans), let's talk bachelor.

I'm not going to recap the whole season, but let's face it, Jake was quite a disappointment. Sure, who wouldn't want a sensitive, caring pilot who could whisk you away to some exotic Caribbean island on a whim? He's nice looking, sweet, and he "leads with his heart," as he told us oh so many times. Oh wait, did I mention that he has tear ducts that rival Niagara Falls? Yeah. Not cool, Jake. Not cool. No woman wants a man that cries more than she does. Also, he's a pilot, but he is afraid of heights. (Remember the sob fest that ensued when he was about to bungee jump?)

All that aside, I was still engrossed for the entire season. And last night was the first time I watched in real time. I typically let the DVR record it for me, then I can fast forward through all the recaps, commercials and crying. But Jack was gone last night, and I had nothing else to do from 7-10, so I suffered through the entire episode.

After his parents fell in love with Tenley, Jake brought in Vienna, and boy were they unimpressed. He has not been very good at hiding his emotions (cue the tears), and his feelings toward both the finalists were no exception. He obviously liked V way more than Ten. But his family's opinion is everything to him!!! Also, we now get to find out where Jake gets his tear ducts from, as his father was crying most of the time.

After V's extremely awkward visit with the folks, during which she insulted Jake's sister in law by telling her she was a little it fat, and told them that Jake was ok but not that great, the producers wrote out a script for his family to read: "After getting to know her, I like Vienna." They all said that to the camera, and Jake was relieved that since he had his family's approval, he could now choose Vienna to join him on the wings of love.

However, he was under contract to act like he was torn between both girls until the final rose ceremony, so ABC ramped up the drama.

Jake picked out two rings, named them, spent some time with them and let them speak to him.

Jake: I just don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if my heart can live with the decision I have to make. This is just so hard. Journey and connections. I've made my decision, and I KNOW that I've made the right choice.

That was quick. So he dumps Ten (no surprise there, unless you are Tenley), and then she makes it really hard for him to get rid of her so he can make out with V. Oh yeah, and he cries. His heart is just hurting bc he loves Ten so much, but he really wants to make out with V some more. He finally extricates himself from Ten's grasp, with a little help from the producers and the ABC bouncer, then runs for the balcony for the agony shot. As the helicoptered camera zooms away from Jake's distraught face, he hangs over the balcony for the contract-required 15 seconds and covers his face with his hands. And he cries (which he was not under contract to do).

Five minutes after the heartbreak of his life.........well, second heartbreak of his life, he is ready to propose to the woman of his dreams: A cross-eyed hooters waitress with a bad bleach job and fake you know whats, who has an extremely uncomfortable relationship with her father. First Jake gives her back the "I promise not to elope again" ring that her father gave her after she ran off with and then divorced her teenaged boyfriend, and then a close up of the Neil Lane engagement ring, and then together they fly high on the wings of love, a la Jeffrey Osbourne. Haven't we heard this song somewhere before? And Jake cries.

Immediately after the teary proposal, ABC takes us to the studio where Jake and V are finally reunited. But first Jake has to confront Ten, the poor sweet girl he shoved off his wings of love. She didn't make it easy for him (again) and wouldn't let go of the fact that he just wasn't attracted to her. She really wanted him to say it, but he skirted around it pretty well. With a few well-placed tears. Again, the producers and the ABC bouncer were called in during the commercial break to extricate Tenley from the set so V could come out and show off her ring and show how funny and sweet she was. Jake and V talked about how happy they were and then ABC had a big surprise for them:

A special guest was in the studio! And he was going to sing just for them! How romantical.

So ABC brought out Jeffrey Osbourne to sing "On the Wings of Love" to Jake and V while they danced on the stage and the audience quietly reached for their studio provided barf bags. Turns out Jeffrey Osbourne is a skinny old black man, not the pudgy teenage son of Sharon and Ozzy. Who knew?

After the song, they went back to commercial so the audience could clean the vomit off their shirts and Jake could clean the Vienna off his face.

Then they announced the new Bachelorette. Shocker alert: it's Ali. And she wants 50 guys instead of 25. Chris Harrison told her not to be so greedy. She made a pouty face.

It's gonna be a good season. Who wants to help me keep a pouty face count??

Also, I missed Jake on Good Morning America today, but he is definitely a Dancing with the Stars contestant this season. I've never cared about that show, and I certainly won't start now. I did, however, catch Kate Gosselin on the segment right after Jake, and she is going to be on Dancing also. She was live via satellite with her hot dancing partner, and it looks like she's over John! They were goo goo eyes all over each other and it was weird. Until the hot dancing partner gave a shout out to his wife. Then it was more weird.

But I digress. That's all I have for today. I hope you've enjoyed the wings of love as much as I have.