Pepto Bismol, Anyone?

Sorry I missed your call. I've been busy scrubbing poop out of our carpet. Want to hear a story?

Yesterday we took up our rug from the living room floor because it was looking a little lumpy. I commented to Jack about how nice and clean the carpet looked where the rug had been. It looked like we had just steam cleaned it or something. It is in fact new carpet, and since we have had the rug down since we moved in, no dirt has smudged it. Or should I say no dirt HAD smudged it.

Last night we had a drop in visit from some of our newlywed friends from Columbus. SB wasn't really behaving for her company, so I was holding her in my lap, trying to make her smile. She was so squirmy but I knew she wasn't hungry, so I finally got up to check her diaper.

I know you already know what is coming. Poop. everywhere.

It was all over my arm, shirt, pants, feet -ask Jack; I am NOT exaggerating. Thankfully, it wasn't on the couch, but she did leave a huge yellow pile on our white, previously unstained carpet, which I have been scrubbing all morning.

The good news for SB is that since she's been having lots of diaper explosions lately, she's been getting lots of baths, which she loves. I think she's pooping on purpose now. Anyway, I got some cute photos of her in the robe that Claire gave her after her bath the other night.

I wanted to get a better one of the robe so you could see how cute it is, but SB wasn't as excited about it as I was.

The good news is that the carpet seems to be recovering nicely. My clothes, however, may not be so lucky. We shall see.

Beach Bummer

Two months ago, Jack planned a wonderful trip to the beach for us and some friends. We left early Thursday morning with our friends Brooke and Lindsey and SB's friend Ayden. A dozen hours later, through wind and rain and multiple stops for diaper changes, we finally made it to our house in Rosemary Beach. We had big plans to leave early Thursday morning so we could spend Thursday at the beach. We arrived that afternoon, but the tornados kept us indoors until Saturday.

I was so distressed. It was SB's first vacay, and the weather was not cooperating! She didn't even get to see the beach until Saturday evening. Thankfully, we took some babysitters with us, so the weekend wasn't a total waste. Lindsey and I were able to do a little shopping on Friday, and the adults had a fabulous dinner at Cafe 30 A that night, but for the most part, we spent our time at the house, playing cards.

-Side note: I am the Phase 10 MASTER and completely demolished everyone else at the table. I have the score card framed if anyone cares to see it.

I mostly felt sorry for one of our babysitters, Jenny, who didn't know any of us very well. She is a friend of my sister, who went with us to help watch the kiddies. I think she was scared of Jack. Those of you who know him, you know what I'm talking about. He's rather loud, and he says whatever is on his mind. He thinks he is hysterical, but poor Jenny did not share his sense of humor.

Also, Jack has always fancied himself a bit of a matchmaker and spent most of the weekend trying to set Jenny up with his brother, Rob, who met us at the beach for the weekend. I knew we were in for trouble when Jack, in his first meeting with Jenny, told her how glad he was that she was coming to the beach with us because he had promised his brother he would "bring a girl for him."

I don't think either one of them appreciated his attempts at love connection.

One major bright spot in the weekend, however, was the Southern Breeze Coastal Wine Tour. Many happy returns of the day to big sister Meredith, who set us up with a couple of tickets to the grand event. Lindsey and I took full advantage of the sun and the unlimited wine samples offered to us on Saturday. My favorite beverage at this event is always the Raspberry Champagne, which I sampled more than a few times. (Don't worry, I came home with a bottle.)

I knew it was time to leave when I asked to sample a brand called "Mojo," but pronounced it "Mo-HO." The jovial gentleman behind the table gladly poured me a glass, and said, "Sure, but here in the South, we call that "Mo-JOE."

My response? I took my sample and ran, assuring everyone within earshot that my first language was Spanish. I didn't go back to that table.

Mere, you missed a blasty. It was great fun, and you would have enjoyed seeing the lady who was covered from head to toe in pepto bismol pink attire, complete with a pink ostrich feather purse. Lindsey and I discovered her at the M&J table after following a trail of pink feathers strewn about the lawn. Much like Hansel and Gretel. Only the feathers weren't edible. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camer, so you'll have to take my word on how funny she looked.

I assured everyone that you wanted to be there, but had a last minute emergency come up and had to jet to Colorado to wait tables at a hunting lodge. They understood but were still sad they missed you.

Due to the intense hurricanic weather, I came home without a tan. I was sorely disappointed. I'm still as pasty and pale as I was last week, but after going through some old photos of Jack and me that Jack discovered yesterday, I have been inspired to go to the tanning bed.

Good news from the weekend: Jack's friend is pretty handy with a camera, and he got some great photos of SB on the beach. As soon as I get some copies, I'll post them for you to see. I know you can't wait.

World's Best Boss

According to some ESPN announcers, yesterday was National Boss Day. When Jack heard the news, he was absolutely devastated that none of his employees had bothered to call or even send a card.

I did a little research and found out that it is true. October 16 is officially National Boss Day. NBD has traditionally been a day for employees to thank their superior for being kind and fair throughout the year. But did anyone call yesterday?

No way, Jose.

And it certainly wasn't because Jack isn't kind and fair.

See? He even has a mug with his official, self-assigned title.

According to Wikipedia, National Boss's Day is usually celebrated by presenting one's boss with a small gift or greeting card. It is also customary to treat one's boss with extreme kindness, very similar to a birthday.

So, in honor of NBD, since Jack didn't get any presents yesterday, in lieu of a gift, I thought I would pay homage to him here.

A Poem. By Emily Redwood

Price gouge, price gouge, price gouge: forever our motto

Cause we need our money too, unless we hit the lotto

Jack needs three tabs like he needs scratch

When it comes to Wheeler or Crabtree, Jack wins game, set match.

All the other roofers are haters, fakers, amateurs

Jack can slip you a shingle a lot better, that's for sures.

When asked for his expert opinion, he says with a straight face

I don't care it's only 5 years old, this roof must be replaced.

If I were a gambling (wo)man, I'd bet on Jack any day

He's the man with the roofing plan. Happy NB Day.

Also, this:

Thanks mom, for the mugs.

Go to sleep little baby

Sorry I've been gone for a while. I've been a little busy being a mom. You know, feeding the baby, changing the baby, pulling my hair out by the roots. The usual. SB finally slept last night in segments of more than 20 minutes at a time. So that was good.

Lately she's become somewhat of a night owl. Around 8 o'clock every night, when I get ready to put her to bed, her eyes pop wide open and she has a heart attack every time I put her in her crib. She just wants to bask in the gloriousness of the night, and she wanted someone to share in that experience with her. It just wasn't something she was prepared to handle by herself. I was the big winner, by default, since Jack was absorbed in his Madden Playstation game, completely oblivious to his screaming child.

Seriously, you would have thought that someone put a red hot poker up her nose every time I put her down.

So I held her. And we rocked. And she ate. Then I put her down and sneaked away from the crib. She always waits until I get cozy and warm under the covers before she lets her lungs loose. After about 15 minutes of crying, I held her, rocked her, fed her and put her back down. While I stood by the crib, she seemed so peaceful, sleeping soundly. I guess it's like the old saying, a watched baby never cries. not until I get in bed, certain she's finally down for the night.

Such trickery. We played this game Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights. I would put her down, she would cry as long as I could stand it, then I would feed her, change her and rock her to sleep. Repeat cycle.

Anyway, I finally got some sleep last night, thank the Lord. But if anyone out there is interested in an overnight guest, she doesn't take up much room, she's just a little noisy at times. And she makes a great alarm clock.

How can you say no to this face?

Bath time

What's that? You want to see more pictures of SB?? Okay, sure.

SB finally got her first real tub bath a few days ago. She loved it for the most part, until it was time to get out. Then she turned the screams on.

She finally settled down into her pink hooded dolphin towel. Unlike Tyra Banks, SB loves dolphins. She gets that from her mommy, who cofounded the Dolphin Lovers Club in college. But the DLC post is for another day.

Are you down with the DLC?

Hooray for VH1

I know you have all been on pins and needles, just like me, waiting for the Rock of Love finally. It finally aired this weekend, and it did not disappoint. Long story short, Bret very romantically proposed that both Heather and Jes be his girlfriends. He just couldn't decide because he loved them both so very much.

Solution? Just keep both of them. Problem solved.

Although Heather was on board, Jes rejected his bigamist plea. So Bret "it was all a test" Michaels picked his one true love...Jes!

It was all very exciting. and romantic. Poor Heather was not too happy though, especially after she tattooed his name on the back of her neck. No joke. The woman tatooed the name of a man who she had known for about 2 weeks on the back of her neck. Then he dumped her.

what was she thinking??

Anyway, after that was all over, the I Love New York 2 Casting Special premiered. It was worth the wait. There are some real winners out there just waiting to win NYs heart. This season promises to be special.

Ratman has my vote.

I LOVE NEW YORK 2 RATMAN

You want sexy? Here you go.