What's a girl gotta do to get a banana popsicle in this town?

We are officially sick of being sick. For the last 2 weeks we have had fever and colds, a double ear infection and 2 rounds of the stomach bug. Also I accidentally got SB high off children's cold medicine in a minor misread of the dosage instructions. I plead sleeplessness.

It all started 2 Sundays ago when SB started running fever at bedtime. Not a big deal, except with it came some serious sinus congestion that was so severe, she couldn't even breathe while sleeping. When given the choice between taking in air and taking in Z's, she chose the former. So between giving her fever medication and sucking out her nose, wiping it clean and coating it with vaseline, I didn't get much sleep either. By Thursday, she was so pitiful and I was so exhausted, I finally caved and took her to the doctor.

I absolutely love SB's pediatrician, but I would rather have forks jabbed in my ear while watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond than spend the day in the doc's waiting room with a room full of snotty kids and oblivious parents who are too busy tuning out the same old Barney episode that is blaring from the grainy television to notice their kids dripping mucus all over my kid, who I am desperately trying to protect from everyone else's germs. So I tried to make an appointment.

My one o'clock appointment turned into a three hour wait to see the LPN, who told me that the swab they so savagely dug out of SB's nasal cavities were negative for the flu virus, but she still thought SB might have the flu. I was so glad they subjected us to (and charged us for) that useless test. I was too worn out to put up much of a fight when she also told me after a quick peek in SB's ears that a double ear infection was also on the menu for the day and maybe a shot might be in order.

First of all, how do these people even diagnose an ear infection? They look in her ears and say, "Oh, it's red in there. Must be infected. Here is an antibiotic." Secondly, if she already has the flu, why are we getting a shot now? I wasn't convinced she had the flu, neither was I totally sold on the idea of a double ear infection, but I'm not the MD here. I'm sorry, I mean LPN. I also was not totally coherent at the time, and I probably would have bought magic beans from the lady had she told me they would make everything all right. So we did what they told us to do and bought all the medicine they prescribed and gave everything according to the dosage.

Well, almost according to the dosage. I accidentally quadrupled her cold medicine, resulting in a long night of worrying about brain damage while I tried to tame my drunken 2-year-old. In a panic, I called my pharmacist brother and probably woke him up to tell him what I'd done. After he laughed at me and called me an idiot (he loves me so very much) he told me not to worry but not to do anything so stupid ever again. We survived the night, in case you are wondering. She slept off her buzz and was able to recite her ABC's close enough the next morning to assure me that she had no permanent brain damage.

I'm not sure if it was the antibiotic or the stomach bug that had been passing through the families of all of our friends, but just as the congestion was clearing up, SB got a bad case of diarrhea that lasted for about 4 days. Thank the Lord that by that time, I had caught SB's cold. I have never been so thankful for a clogged sniffer.

We finally cleared the diarrhea stage, and my cold finally seemed to be subsiding. We were feeling better for the weekend and were looking forward to the sunshine that had been forecasted. My cousin and her husband were planning to come take in some baseball with us, and my brother was kind enough to share some tickets for the Saturday game.

We had dinner Friday night with Jack's grandparents, and I promptly left my purse at their house. We were halfway home on the 30 minute drive when I realized the error. Did I mention the baseball tickets for the next day were in there? We decided against turning around since SB was already way past her bedtime and already whining about something. Thank God we didn't turn around because as we turned into our neighborhood, SB let loose with a geyser of vomit that would have made Old Faithful spew green with envy.

I think that night was the longest of my life. Jack and I split cleaning duties. Between the car, the carseat, SB's clothes, blanket, bunny and SB herself, we spent a good hour cleaning the first burst before the second one came. On a related note, if anyone has any tips on how to rid a car of vomity smell, please email me at redwoodemily@hotmail.com.

I offered to take the night shift, since one of us was going to have to get some sleep in order to take care of SB the next day. I sat up in the hallway outside her room until midnight and was able to figure out that SB started coughing just a few seconds before each puke was coming. She threw up every hour like clockwork until about 2 am, then about every 30 minutes until 4. Jack mercifully took over after that.

After cleaning up throw up all night, I felt like I was ready to heave ho myself the next day. I stayed in bed and took an anti-nausea pill that knocked me out. I never did Benock (throw up), but I wished all day that I could so I would feel better.

Jack spent the whole day taking care of me and SB. After we went to bed, Jack cleaned the whole upstairs: dusting, vacuuming, dishes, laundry. He is the best. Also, Mary Beth brought me a banana popsicle, and her kindness healed me. She had to scour the town and almost gave up when she spotted a box of variety popsicles that included banana. Why doesn't anyone sell banana pops anymore??

Anyway, we are all better over here now. At least, we seem to be that way. Hang out with us at your own risk.