Jeffrey Osbourne and his Wings of Love

Ok I wouldn't normally post about this, but I have to admit I got sucked in by ABC's sensitive pilot "good guy," and I have been flying high on the wings of love all season. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, just stop reading now. For the rest of you who were with me glued to the tv screen every Monday night (or Tuesday morning for the tivo fans), let's talk bachelor.

I'm not going to recap the whole season, but let's face it, Jake was quite a disappointment. Sure, who wouldn't want a sensitive, caring pilot who could whisk you away to some exotic Caribbean island on a whim? He's nice looking, sweet, and he "leads with his heart," as he told us oh so many times. Oh wait, did I mention that he has tear ducts that rival Niagara Falls? Yeah. Not cool, Jake. Not cool. No woman wants a man that cries more than she does. Also, he's a pilot, but he is afraid of heights. (Remember the sob fest that ensued when he was about to bungee jump?)

All that aside, I was still engrossed for the entire season. And last night was the first time I watched in real time. I typically let the DVR record it for me, then I can fast forward through all the recaps, commercials and crying. But Jack was gone last night, and I had nothing else to do from 7-10, so I suffered through the entire episode.

After his parents fell in love with Tenley, Jake brought in Vienna, and boy were they unimpressed. He has not been very good at hiding his emotions (cue the tears), and his feelings toward both the finalists were no exception. He obviously liked V way more than Ten. But his family's opinion is everything to him!!! Also, we now get to find out where Jake gets his tear ducts from, as his father was crying most of the time.

After V's extremely awkward visit with the folks, during which she insulted Jake's sister in law by telling her she was a little it fat, and told them that Jake was ok but not that great, the producers wrote out a script for his family to read: "After getting to know her, I like Vienna." They all said that to the camera, and Jake was relieved that since he had his family's approval, he could now choose Vienna to join him on the wings of love.

However, he was under contract to act like he was torn between both girls until the final rose ceremony, so ABC ramped up the drama.

Jake picked out two rings, named them, spent some time with them and let them speak to him.

Jake: I just don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if my heart can live with the decision I have to make. This is just so hard. Journey and connections. I've made my decision, and I KNOW that I've made the right choice.

That was quick. So he dumps Ten (no surprise there, unless you are Tenley), and then she makes it really hard for him to get rid of her so he can make out with V. Oh yeah, and he cries. His heart is just hurting bc he loves Ten so much, but he really wants to make out with V some more. He finally extricates himself from Ten's grasp, with a little help from the producers and the ABC bouncer, then runs for the balcony for the agony shot. As the helicoptered camera zooms away from Jake's distraught face, he hangs over the balcony for the contract-required 15 seconds and covers his face with his hands. And he cries (which he was not under contract to do).

Five minutes after the heartbreak of his life.........well, second heartbreak of his life, he is ready to propose to the woman of his dreams: A cross-eyed hooters waitress with a bad bleach job and fake you know whats, who has an extremely uncomfortable relationship with her father. First Jake gives her back the "I promise not to elope again" ring that her father gave her after she ran off with and then divorced her teenaged boyfriend, and then a close up of the Neil Lane engagement ring, and then together they fly high on the wings of love, a la Jeffrey Osbourne. Haven't we heard this song somewhere before? And Jake cries.

Immediately after the teary proposal, ABC takes us to the studio where Jake and V are finally reunited. But first Jake has to confront Ten, the poor sweet girl he shoved off his wings of love. She didn't make it easy for him (again) and wouldn't let go of the fact that he just wasn't attracted to her. She really wanted him to say it, but he skirted around it pretty well. With a few well-placed tears. Again, the producers and the ABC bouncer were called in during the commercial break to extricate Tenley from the set so V could come out and show off her ring and show how funny and sweet she was. Jake and V talked about how happy they were and then ABC had a big surprise for them:

A special guest was in the studio! And he was going to sing just for them! How romantical.

So ABC brought out Jeffrey Osbourne to sing "On the Wings of Love" to Jake and V while they danced on the stage and the audience quietly reached for their studio provided barf bags. Turns out Jeffrey Osbourne is a skinny old black man, not the pudgy teenage son of Sharon and Ozzy. Who knew?

After the song, they went back to commercial so the audience could clean the vomit off their shirts and Jake could clean the Vienna off his face.

Then they announced the new Bachelorette. Shocker alert: it's Ali. And she wants 50 guys instead of 25. Chris Harrison told her not to be so greedy. She made a pouty face.

It's gonna be a good season. Who wants to help me keep a pouty face count??

Also, I missed Jake on Good Morning America today, but he is definitely a Dancing with the Stars contestant this season. I've never cared about that show, and I certainly won't start now. I did, however, catch Kate Gosselin on the segment right after Jake, and she is going to be on Dancing also. She was live via satellite with her hot dancing partner, and it looks like she's over John! They were goo goo eyes all over each other and it was weird. Until the hot dancing partner gave a shout out to his wife. Then it was more weird.

But I digress. That's all I have for today. I hope you've enjoyed the wings of love as much as I have.