Hi, I'm Earth. Have we met?

So a girl walks into an office building. Stop me if you've heard this one. She just wants to pay her gas bill, so she walks up to the woman sitting behind the counter.

Lethargic woman at desk: "What do you need?"
Girl: "I'd just like to pay my gas bill, please."

The woman points to a little machine in the corner of the lobby. "You have to use the kiosk. How are you paying?"

"With cash."

Tsk tsk. She shook her head, as if this was such a strain on her already busy day. Never mind she was just reclining in her swivel chair when I walked in.

I am the girl in the story, in case you're just now figuring that out.

Her: "How much is your bill?"

Me: "Thirty-one dollars."

Her: giving me a doubtful look "Thirty-one dollars exactly?"

I sighed and examined the bill. "Thirty-one oh three."

Her: "You'll have to put $32 in there. It don't give change."

Hmm. That didn't sound right. "Ok well I don't have exact change here."
I patiently waited for her to make change for me. She just stared at me. Finally, "Well, I guess you'll have to go to the bank then, and get change."

Excuse me? What are you doing here? EARTH TO THE OFFICE WORKER!!

No one else was in the office. I didn't feel my request to pay my bill was too much to ask of her. She just looked around as if I wasn't even there.

Apparently, this woman wasn’t into the whole “customer service” fad that’s so popular with other businesses. I was so confused. I saw a money box sitting on her desk, and I wanted to ask her why she couldn’t just take my money and give me change. I didn’t want to be impolite though, and I figured if she could have done that, she would have, so I kept my mouth shut and hoped the bank wasn’t out of money.

I returned half an hour later to once again try my luck paying my bill. When I walked back inside, I felt like I was in that scene from Meet the Parents where Ben Stiller is at the airport trying to communicate with the incompetent airline clerk.

The same lady was reclining in the same swivel chair, and though I had been gone for less than 30 minutes, she acted as though she had never seen me before.

Her: ”What do you need?” her standard greeting, I suppose.

Again with the whole routine. I told her I wanted to pay my bill; she asked how I was paying. I said cash; she pointed to the machine and again gave me the shpill about how I needed exact change for it.

I turned around to see a man working on the money taking machine. I turned back to the customer service expert who informed me, “He’s workin on the machine right now.” So perceptive. I asked about how long that should take and she shrugged. “I dunno. Shouldn’t be too long.”

Again, I wanted to ask, can’t you just take my money? I have exact change here, but then again, I didn’t really sense an “I’m on top of things and can be trusted to take care of your money for you” kind of aura emanating from her.

I also had to wonder what in the world she was getting paid to do, if not assist customers with their heating bills. Just sit there in case someone came in to have their heat turned on? In May? Brilliant. Also, 2 other ladies were taking it easy with their feet propped up behind their desks. Very efficient.

I just stood there for a minute, wondering what to do, as there was no waiting area or anywhere to sit. In an effort to rid herself of me, I suppose, she handed me a sheet of paper.

It was a lovely list of all the convenient ways you could pay your gas bill. Online, over the phone, through the mail. You could even set up an automatic draft from your checking account. Like heck I'm giving a gas company access to my checking account. Those money hungry hungry hippos take enough of our money as it is. No more. Emily Redwood is saying NO!

Unfortunately for me, Jack's most recent customer had paid in cash, so I was paying bills in cash. And the only way to pay our gas bill with cash is to come in and feed it to the machine that won't take change. I think that's what Claude meant when she said "It don't give change." The machine that was currently out of order.

I finally gave up and left. SB was ready for a nap, and I couldn't wait any longer. I have to pay our light bill too. I hope they'll take my money.