I can't fix this

To the faithful few who still read this blog, there's no need to read this post. It's not about anything funny that my kids did or said. And there are no new photos to show how cute they are. When I'm stressed, this outlet has always made me feel better, and today I am stressed. So here we go.

I've always been a "fixer." Kind of like Devo, when a problem comes along, I must whip it. My mind starts racing, how can I make this situation better? If I really think about it, I can usually come up with a solution. Now I'm (sort of) in a situation that I desperately want to fix. And I can't.

I'm watching my loved ones suffer and stress and get angry at a situation they cannot control. I knew if I could come up with the right words, I could straighten it out. At least temporarily. So I tossed a few scenarios around and finally came up with just the right words to say. I tossed out all the angry / accusatory things I wanted to use and tried to look at the situation from a loving perspective. How should this situation be handled from a Godly standpoint? Again, I had to eliminate more things that could be misconstrued as manipulation or accusatory. I finally honed in on an appropriate approach and put my plan into action.

I simply went to the source and offered to help. Here I am, ready and willing. Use me. And the door that I had politely swung open was politely slammed in my face. And it stung. It hurt my feelings a little bit, but mostly it just made me even more sad for the people that I was trying to help. They were the ones who were really suffering.

I've been pacing my living room, thinking this thing over and over and around and through and have finally determined that there is nothing I can do. I can't help in this situation. And that is very difficult for me to accept. Especially when I have to watch the people I love most bending over backwards to do the right thing, and they still come up with the short end of the stick. It just isn't fair. I know, life is not fair. But I'm still mad. I'm trying not to be angry, and just writing it all down has made me feel so much better. Mostly I just feel sorry for everyone involved. And sorry that I can't fix it. So I guess I'll just keep praying because it seems that is all I can do.

Not to belittle the power of prayer, because I remember a short time ago feeling helpless in a very different situation. I was stuck here in the final stages of my pregnancy while my sister was in a fight for her life thousands of miles away. I couldn't go, I couldn't help; all I could do was pray. And that's all that anyone could do, really. And God answered those prayers in a loud, swift manner.

So Lord, help me not to grow weary in prayer.