I saw something today. I saw it, and I knew I had to buy it. I had no idea at the time who would be the lucky recipient of such an item, but it didn't matter. It had to come home with me. I've been pondering 2 things ever since:
1. which of my friends would enjoy this the most? And
2. why didn't I buy more of these?
I didn't buy more because I wasn't at dollar tree, and let's face it, times is tough. The first question, however, remains unanswered. That's where you come in.
To enter for a chance to win the mystery item, leave a comment telling me one person you wish you could meet, what you would ask them and why. Feel free to elaborate beyond these parameters. Before you start rolling your eyes at how lame that is, hear me out. This is not your typical wanna meet Sanjaya and ask him who inspires him.
Let's set a few ground rules. No obvious answers; creativity is 75% of your grade. We all wish we could meet Jesus and ask Him for a superpower. Mine would be the power to shoot lightning bolts out of my fingers. Because that would be awesome. Don't tick me off; I'll shoot you with my lightning bolts.
And we would all like to meet the President and ask him to please try not to look so arrogant all the time. Seriously. Wipe that smirk off your face. It's annoying. America resents you.
I think now that I might also like to know what your superpower would be if you could have one. So feel free to throw that in there at the end. Not mandatory.
So get creative out there. This thing ends whenever I say it does.
To be fair, I will submit the first entry as an example. And just so you know, while a famous person is an acceptable submission, you don't necessarily have to go that route. Case in point:
I would like to meet the person who owns the dog who keeps leaving giant piles of nasty on my front lawn. I would ask them why they thought it was ok to let their disgusting animal leave a giant pile of nasty right where my 3 year old daughter and I walk every day. I would ask them if they knew how many times either she or I had stepped in the nasty and soiled a pair of shoes. Then I would hand them a bill for the following services:
Shoe cleaning
Poopy scooping
Carpet cleaning from where SB stepped in the nasty and then climbed into the car or went inside the house
Pain and suffering.
Then I would tell them that until they paid, I would be using their lawn/sidewalk to recycle the contents of Annie's diapers. If they couldn't come up with the money, I would give them the option to stand beside the highway all day wearing a sandwich board that said,
"I let my dog poop in other people's yards and don't bother to clean it up. Please throw rotten eggs at me so I smell like my victims smelled when they stepped in my dog's nasty. I deserve worse. Also, please don't text and drive."
4 comments:
what's the point in me entering this competition anyway?? we all know that claire hardin will come up with the best "who i want to meet and why".
can't wait to see what she says.
also...i've reread your recent email approximately 293 times and laugh uncontrollably each time. priceless
I don't know why you seem so confident in my ability to win this one, LT. If it doesn't involve poop art, I'm just a regular contender.
Wait...
Okay, if I could have one superpower, it would be:
1. To be able to poop Spanish question marks on command a la Michael McCarty (I did it once) and to craft various other poop portraits, like the Mona Lisa or a rough sketch of Barbara Streisand or D-Frost. Pooperpower, if you will.
2. I would also like to have the powers of an inner GPS, so I can find my way to Wal-Mart, or home, for that matter.
Now if I could meet anyone and ask them anything, it would be:
1. The person behind the delectable Cowtails and also the maker of Circus Peanuts. I wouldn’t have anything to ask; I would simply shake their hands and say, “Well done, sirs.”
2. I’d also like to meet Kenny Chesney. Again, I would ask no questions, for I’m not interested in anything he has to say. I just want an opportunity to read him the paper I wrote for Persuasion in college entitled, “No Looks, No Talent, No Problem.” Then I would just say “BOOYAH!” and walk away.
Because I'm stressing about my MA exam (which on a side note...has given me hives) I would meet Charles Dickens and ask him why he felt the need to write a 900 page book and have 30 characters. ufta! How am I supposed to remember all those folks?!
and superpower...because I'm consumed with my test..I wish I could read insanely fast and recall absoulutly every detail!
I may be too late - but I would like to meet the person who created bagels - specifically poppy, sesame and onion bagels and if they also decided that cream cheese would be the bomb on a toasted bagel. I would like to thank them for making me fat.
my superpower would be - being able to eavesdrop on any conversation I wanted to. I could go to the white house and hear exactly what goes on and then tell the world - or to my kids rooms when they are mad at me - you know stuff like that!
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