Red All Over: July 2008

It's something I look forward to every other week. A night out with the girlies while the daddies keep the kiddies. Tonight was the night, and we were going out for sushi. After that, who knows. We are a wild and crazy bunch.

I left home a bit early so that I could run into the grocery store and replenish SB's formula supply. Heaven help us if we ever run out of that liquid gold! Unfortunately, Kroger's baby aisle was more than lacking in the formula department, so I settled on a pack of diapers and resigned myself to a post-dinner wal mart trip.

Dinner was delicious and the company was much needed and enjoyed. After dinner, the group broke up: some off to see a movie, and a few headed out for coffee. I set my sights on the Wal. All I needed was a little formula. In and out, I thought. The trip to the baby section and back to the check out counter was as swift as one could imagine. However, the "express" lane wasn't in such a hurry tonight.

I chose the lane that only had one cart ahead of me. I then watched as customers whizzed through the line next to me. Isn't that always how it happens? Of course, as soon as you change lanes, the line you were in suddenly disappears as your new found lane stalls to a standstill. I've been there many times, so I decided to wait it out as the ladies in front of me slowly unloaded their cart.

I don't know exactly how many things they had in their cart, but let's just say they were WAY over the express lane limit. How many things were in there? The lady pushing the cart was too big to see around, and the lady with her was slowly unloading items. Apparently, they had both done their shopping in the same cart and were now removing each item, carefully inspecting it, then either putting it on the counter or back in the cart. I wondered if I could move to the side a little and see how many more things were in the bottomless buggy.

As I pondered these things, I took a small step to my right, your left, and slipped on a wet spot on the floor. Very graceful. I tried to play it off by looking down and pointing to the big puddle of water on the floor beneath me, in case anyone was looking. I knew as a good citizen I should report the puddle to maintenance, so no one else would slip on it. They might not be as nice as me and could sue the Wal for millions. Just my (and their) luck, I see a wal mart man walking towards me at that very moment. Probably wanted to make sure I was alright.

Me: "Sir, excuse me, but there is a big puddle right here."
He stares blankly at me, like he doesn't speak English and didn't just see me bust it right in front of his face.
Me again: "I just slipped on it, and I don't want anyone else to fall and get hurt."
Him: "I'm sorry, I'm on break."

Let that sink in for a minute.

"I'm on break."

It was just like something from tv. You see it all the time, but you think , that doesn't happen in real life. People don't just blow you off and say, "I'm on break." Oh, contrar, my friend. This is real life, unfolding before me, and I am in shock. Let's go back to the story.

Him: "I'm on break." he looks at me as if to say, "what do you want me to do about it? he must have noticed my chin resting on the floor because he immediately came back with: "Sorry."

Oh well, if you're sorry...

Me: "I just thought you might want to put up a caution sign or something..."

Him: "I'm sure someone will get it." Then he leans backward against the small drink refrigerator and crosses his arms across his chest as if to say, "I'm on BREAK, and I'm going to lean right here on this cooler and look at you until my break is over. because I cannot be disturbed while I'm on my break."

He's not even going to find someone else to clean it up. Heaven forbid he waste a second of his undoubtedly much needed break asking someone to get a paper towel. I was in complete shock at the way mr. employee of the month was handling the situation, even worse that he was just leaning there, not 5 feet away, staring.

I finally just turned around and focused on getting through the line and getting out of there. The same 2 ladies were still in front of me, still trying to figure out which items belonged to which person. Finally, the first one was satisfied that she had retrieved all of her items from the buggy, but she was telling the check out lady that she didn't want to pay tax on her purchase. Well, who died and made her queen? Last time I checked, nobody I knew enjoyed paying taxes. Unfortunately, we all have to do it anyway.

She was waving some black and yellow credit card around like it was a magic wand that, when waved frantically in the air, made all the sales tax disappear! What a novel tool. The line beside me was still moving rapidly. Four people had all come and gone since I chose lane #2.

Five minutes later, the lady was still waving her magic sales tax wand and telling the lady she better not be charging her sales tax. I see a break in the line next to me. A brief opportunity of life in the fast lane appears as the final person checks out and no one else is in sight. I make a mad dash, carefully avoiding the puddle that, amazingly, no one has taken care of yet.

My new check out person is named Terrain. He was nice enough until I presented my formula coupon. The only reason I was buying this formula was because Enfamil was kind enough to send me a $10 off coupon. That's a big deal. Half off. I wasn't leaving without my discount. He looked at the coupon as if the writing was in Greek. Then he handed it back to me and very matter of factly said, "I don't know what to do with this."

I handed it back to him and kindly asked Terrain to please find out what to do with it.

"Hey! Hey, what I do with this?" he waved it around like a flag as he yelled to the checker at the next counter. She was still dealing with the anti-sales tax brigade, so she yelled back, "Do it as a check."

Terrain: "How I do that?"
Girl: "Just scan it!"

Another girl appeared, eager to join the fray.

Girl #2: "Nuh-uh, you 'sposed to do that like a coupon!"
Terrain: "How I do that?"
Girl #1: "No, you do it as a check!"
Terrain: "Well, you might as well come over here and do it for me cause I don't know how."

They all went back and forth for several minutes, each girl with her own idea of how it should work, and the guy insisting that someone else just do it for him. he was probably ready for his break.

It took all three of them converging on our register while the line backed up behind me to finally figure it out. As I ran out of the store, I heard girl #2 insisting that they had done it wrong, and she was going to tell. I ran faster. I looked back only as I reached the door, just in time to see a teenaged guy slip and fall on the mysterious puddle that never got wiped up. I hope he sues for millions.

Just a quick update so nobody thinks I've died. We had a great holiday weekend with lots of food, family and fun. Mostly food. We ate with my mom's family on Friday, then had all of our friends over on Saturday for dinner plus the big UFC show (ultimate fighting). Which I am not a fan of, for the record, but Jack loves that stuff.

We also hosted my wonderful cousin, Laura Beth for the weekend. I didn't realize how much I missed that girl! Unfortunately, my camer was MIA for almost the entire weekend, and I didn't get a single picture of her! shameful. I"m sorry, LB. It doesn't mean I don't love you.

LB and SB got along famously, and Laura even taught her how to crawl! Funny, I would have thought she would have been working on her speech, but I guess SB is talking all the time anyway. We miss you Laura! Since I don't have a picture of you, I'll post one I took of SB with her other cousins instead.