What's a girl gotta do to get a banana popsicle in this town?

We are officially sick of being sick. For the last 2 weeks we have had fever and colds, a double ear infection and 2 rounds of the stomach bug. Also I accidentally got SB high off children's cold medicine in a minor misread of the dosage instructions. I plead sleeplessness.

It all started 2 Sundays ago when SB started running fever at bedtime. Not a big deal, except with it came some serious sinus congestion that was so severe, she couldn't even breathe while sleeping. When given the choice between taking in air and taking in Z's, she chose the former. So between giving her fever medication and sucking out her nose, wiping it clean and coating it with vaseline, I didn't get much sleep either. By Thursday, she was so pitiful and I was so exhausted, I finally caved and took her to the doctor.

I absolutely love SB's pediatrician, but I would rather have forks jabbed in my ear while watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond than spend the day in the doc's waiting room with a room full of snotty kids and oblivious parents who are too busy tuning out the same old Barney episode that is blaring from the grainy television to notice their kids dripping mucus all over my kid, who I am desperately trying to protect from everyone else's germs. So I tried to make an appointment.

My one o'clock appointment turned into a three hour wait to see the LPN, who told me that the swab they so savagely dug out of SB's nasal cavities were negative for the flu virus, but she still thought SB might have the flu. I was so glad they subjected us to (and charged us for) that useless test. I was too worn out to put up much of a fight when she also told me after a quick peek in SB's ears that a double ear infection was also on the menu for the day and maybe a shot might be in order.

First of all, how do these people even diagnose an ear infection? They look in her ears and say, "Oh, it's red in there. Must be infected. Here is an antibiotic." Secondly, if she already has the flu, why are we getting a shot now? I wasn't convinced she had the flu, neither was I totally sold on the idea of a double ear infection, but I'm not the MD here. I'm sorry, I mean LPN. I also was not totally coherent at the time, and I probably would have bought magic beans from the lady had she told me they would make everything all right. So we did what they told us to do and bought all the medicine they prescribed and gave everything according to the dosage.

Well, almost according to the dosage. I accidentally quadrupled her cold medicine, resulting in a long night of worrying about brain damage while I tried to tame my drunken 2-year-old. In a panic, I called my pharmacist brother and probably woke him up to tell him what I'd done. After he laughed at me and called me an idiot (he loves me so very much) he told me not to worry but not to do anything so stupid ever again. We survived the night, in case you are wondering. She slept off her buzz and was able to recite her ABC's close enough the next morning to assure me that she had no permanent brain damage.

I'm not sure if it was the antibiotic or the stomach bug that had been passing through the families of all of our friends, but just as the congestion was clearing up, SB got a bad case of diarrhea that lasted for about 4 days. Thank the Lord that by that time, I had caught SB's cold. I have never been so thankful for a clogged sniffer.

We finally cleared the diarrhea stage, and my cold finally seemed to be subsiding. We were feeling better for the weekend and were looking forward to the sunshine that had been forecasted. My cousin and her husband were planning to come take in some baseball with us, and my brother was kind enough to share some tickets for the Saturday game.

We had dinner Friday night with Jack's grandparents, and I promptly left my purse at their house. We were halfway home on the 30 minute drive when I realized the error. Did I mention the baseball tickets for the next day were in there? We decided against turning around since SB was already way past her bedtime and already whining about something. Thank God we didn't turn around because as we turned into our neighborhood, SB let loose with a geyser of vomit that would have made Old Faithful spew green with envy.

I think that night was the longest of my life. Jack and I split cleaning duties. Between the car, the carseat, SB's clothes, blanket, bunny and SB herself, we spent a good hour cleaning the first burst before the second one came. On a related note, if anyone has any tips on how to rid a car of vomity smell, please email me at redwoodemily@hotmail.com.

I offered to take the night shift, since one of us was going to have to get some sleep in order to take care of SB the next day. I sat up in the hallway outside her room until midnight and was able to figure out that SB started coughing just a few seconds before each puke was coming. She threw up every hour like clockwork until about 2 am, then about every 30 minutes until 4. Jack mercifully took over after that.

After cleaning up throw up all night, I felt like I was ready to heave ho myself the next day. I stayed in bed and took an anti-nausea pill that knocked me out. I never did Benock (throw up), but I wished all day that I could so I would feel better.

Jack spent the whole day taking care of me and SB. After we went to bed, Jack cleaned the whole upstairs: dusting, vacuuming, dishes, laundry. He is the best. Also, Mary Beth brought me a banana popsicle, and her kindness healed me. She had to scour the town and almost gave up when she spotted a box of variety popsicles that included banana. Why doesn't anyone sell banana pops anymore??

Anyway, we are all better over here now. At least, we seem to be that way. Hang out with us at your own risk.

Jeffrey Osbourne and his Wings of Love

Ok I wouldn't normally post about this, but I have to admit I got sucked in by ABC's sensitive pilot "good guy," and I have been flying high on the wings of love all season. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, just stop reading now. For the rest of you who were with me glued to the tv screen every Monday night (or Tuesday morning for the tivo fans), let's talk bachelor.

I'm not going to recap the whole season, but let's face it, Jake was quite a disappointment. Sure, who wouldn't want a sensitive, caring pilot who could whisk you away to some exotic Caribbean island on a whim? He's nice looking, sweet, and he "leads with his heart," as he told us oh so many times. Oh wait, did I mention that he has tear ducts that rival Niagara Falls? Yeah. Not cool, Jake. Not cool. No woman wants a man that cries more than she does. Also, he's a pilot, but he is afraid of heights. (Remember the sob fest that ensued when he was about to bungee jump?)

All that aside, I was still engrossed for the entire season. And last night was the first time I watched in real time. I typically let the DVR record it for me, then I can fast forward through all the recaps, commercials and crying. But Jack was gone last night, and I had nothing else to do from 7-10, so I suffered through the entire episode.

After his parents fell in love with Tenley, Jake brought in Vienna, and boy were they unimpressed. He has not been very good at hiding his emotions (cue the tears), and his feelings toward both the finalists were no exception. He obviously liked V way more than Ten. But his family's opinion is everything to him!!! Also, we now get to find out where Jake gets his tear ducts from, as his father was crying most of the time.

After V's extremely awkward visit with the folks, during which she insulted Jake's sister in law by telling her she was a little it fat, and told them that Jake was ok but not that great, the producers wrote out a script for his family to read: "After getting to know her, I like Vienna." They all said that to the camera, and Jake was relieved that since he had his family's approval, he could now choose Vienna to join him on the wings of love.

However, he was under contract to act like he was torn between both girls until the final rose ceremony, so ABC ramped up the drama.

Jake picked out two rings, named them, spent some time with them and let them speak to him.

Jake: I just don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if my heart can live with the decision I have to make. This is just so hard. Journey and connections. I've made my decision, and I KNOW that I've made the right choice.

That was quick. So he dumps Ten (no surprise there, unless you are Tenley), and then she makes it really hard for him to get rid of her so he can make out with V. Oh yeah, and he cries. His heart is just hurting bc he loves Ten so much, but he really wants to make out with V some more. He finally extricates himself from Ten's grasp, with a little help from the producers and the ABC bouncer, then runs for the balcony for the agony shot. As the helicoptered camera zooms away from Jake's distraught face, he hangs over the balcony for the contract-required 15 seconds and covers his face with his hands. And he cries (which he was not under contract to do).

Five minutes after the heartbreak of his life.........well, second heartbreak of his life, he is ready to propose to the woman of his dreams: A cross-eyed hooters waitress with a bad bleach job and fake you know whats, who has an extremely uncomfortable relationship with her father. First Jake gives her back the "I promise not to elope again" ring that her father gave her after she ran off with and then divorced her teenaged boyfriend, and then a close up of the Neil Lane engagement ring, and then together they fly high on the wings of love, a la Jeffrey Osbourne. Haven't we heard this song somewhere before? And Jake cries.

Immediately after the teary proposal, ABC takes us to the studio where Jake and V are finally reunited. But first Jake has to confront Ten, the poor sweet girl he shoved off his wings of love. She didn't make it easy for him (again) and wouldn't let go of the fact that he just wasn't attracted to her. She really wanted him to say it, but he skirted around it pretty well. With a few well-placed tears. Again, the producers and the ABC bouncer were called in during the commercial break to extricate Tenley from the set so V could come out and show off her ring and show how funny and sweet she was. Jake and V talked about how happy they were and then ABC had a big surprise for them:

A special guest was in the studio! And he was going to sing just for them! How romantical.

So ABC brought out Jeffrey Osbourne to sing "On the Wings of Love" to Jake and V while they danced on the stage and the audience quietly reached for their studio provided barf bags. Turns out Jeffrey Osbourne is a skinny old black man, not the pudgy teenage son of Sharon and Ozzy. Who knew?

After the song, they went back to commercial so the audience could clean the vomit off their shirts and Jake could clean the Vienna off his face.

Then they announced the new Bachelorette. Shocker alert: it's Ali. And she wants 50 guys instead of 25. Chris Harrison told her not to be so greedy. She made a pouty face.

It's gonna be a good season. Who wants to help me keep a pouty face count??

Also, I missed Jake on Good Morning America today, but he is definitely a Dancing with the Stars contestant this season. I've never cared about that show, and I certainly won't start now. I did, however, catch Kate Gosselin on the segment right after Jake, and she is going to be on Dancing also. She was live via satellite with her hot dancing partner, and it looks like she's over John! They were goo goo eyes all over each other and it was weird. Until the hot dancing partner gave a shout out to his wife. Then it was more weird.

But I digress. That's all I have for today. I hope you've enjoyed the wings of love as much as I have.

In an effort to prevent spam...

You will now have to complete the word verification process to leave a comment on my blog. Don't worry. It is quick and painless!

I've made a huge mistake

Apparently by blasting the investing scam people two posts below, I have opened myself up to a whole host of blog comment spam. Anyone know how to stop this? Do I just have to disallow anonymous comments? I really don't want to have to verify each comment before it appears on here. Any tips?

I'll be helpful when I'm dead

Ahhh, the industrious nature of city workers. Just puts a smile on my face and a page on my blog.

I recently made a jaunt to the local courthouse to update my expired license plate sticker. A few jaunts, to be exact. On the fourth attempt, I was finally successful.

The following excerpt is a transcript of an actual encounter between myself and a city employee, hereafter referred to as CE. It has been edited for time, content and obscene language.

ME: Hi, I'd like to get a new sticker for my license plate please.
CE: License plate number.
ME: My license plate number, yes. Here it is.
CE: This be expired.
ME: Yes, ma'am. I'd like to renew it.

At this point, she verifies my address. She gives me the address we had 3 years ago. I have updated it every year since we moved, because obviously I have renewed my license plate every year. But they still haven't gotten it right. So we fixed that (again).

Then she says the car is registered under my dad's name and is that correct? Again, the car has been in my name since 2006, when we finished paying it off. But whatever, they've been busy. I tell her the car is mine and should be in my name, and I guess I look like a dirty, rotten liar and thief, because she says she needs to see the title before she can make that change and renew my license plate. Whatever. The next day I return with the title.

We run through the license plate number, and again she makes the startling yet flat declaration, "This be expired."
ME: Yes, ma'am. I need a new sticker.
CE: Address?

I give her our address. She frowns as she studies the screen.

CE: That ain't what this says.
ME: Really? That's interesting because I just gave it to you yesterday. What do your records say?

She reads me our old address and looks at me as if to say, "quit playin'. who you tryin' to fool?"

ME: That is our OLD address. Our NEW address, the one I gave you yesterday is the correct one. Would you mind changing it in your records please?
CE: Ok, Ms. Murphy--

At this point, we almost get into an argument about what my name is NOW versus what is used to be before I was married. I present the car title, which is in MY name, my current name, signed over to me by my father. She studies it for a minute and frowns while tapping her extra long neon orange fingernail on the counter.

CE: This say 2006.
ME: Yes, it does.

Very good, she can read.

CE: It 2010.
ME: Yes it is.

Very good, she knows what year it be.

CE: Well, then you behind.

I'm very confused at this point. She proceeds to explain to me that since the car has been mine since 2006, I owe a lot of back payments or taxes or renewal fees or whatever from 2006 to 2010. I should have registered the car as mine in 2006, when it became mine. I told her that I had indeed done that and remembered bringing the title to her office in previous years due to similar situations to the one we were in now. She didn't believe me.

Funny, I asked her, if I never registered the car as mine, how the heck did she think I got a renewal sticker on my license plate every year since then until now? She didn't know. I had a pretty good idea and wanted to tell her so, but I managed to somehow keep my tongue in check.

It was going to cost a lot more than I was prepared to pay in order to get the fees up to date, and I certainly didn't think that their incompetence should cost me any more than I had already paid. So I left before the situation escalated.

I needed some time to cool off and a stiff drink to help me unwind.

Thankfully, the stars aligned for me and someone else was on duty when I went back the next day. I can only assume that the woman I had spoken with previously was either having her nails relaquered or had been promoted. However, God smiled on me this day and a nice, cheerful, well-dressed woman made a helpful suggestion: Change the date on the car title to today's date. No late payments necessary! But of course I would have to get some paperwork notorized in order to change the date.

SO a quick trip to my dad's office to pick him up, then to the bank to get our signatures notarized, then back to the courthouse to present all the necessary documents. Just one last thing that she needed before we could finalize the process....my current address. Which still wasn't correct in their computer system. Lord have mercy.

My check is in the mail

Just signed on and noticed a new comment on my last post. Isn't that such an exciting feeling? Someone posted a comment!! I hurried to check it and this is what I found:

Anonymous said...

Hello!
You may probably be very interested to know how one can make real money on investments.
There is no need to invest much at first.
You may begin to get income with a sum that usually goes
for daily food, that's 20-100 dollars.
I have been participating in one company's work for several years,
and I'll be glad to let you know my secrets at my blog.

Please visit blog and send me private message to get the info.

P.S. I earn 1000-2000 per day now.

http://theinvestblog.com [url=http://theinvestblog.com]Online Investment Blog[/url]

Ok first of all, would I "may probably be very interested to know" anything from Anonymous? No. I wouldn't. Nor would I be interested in taking financial advice from someone who phishes for customers via blog comment posting sites. Nor would I be interested in giving Anonymous a sum that usually goes for daily food. But Anon does make one valid point, Who would have thought that one could actually make money via investing??

I laughed and just for fun, I went to the blog and noticed an email address for helentruths@gmail.com. Well, "truth" is in the title, so it must be valid, right?? Also, the name Helen inspires confidence that you are dealing with a female. Doesn't that make you feel a bit safer? AIM Trust is the company that Helen is hawking.

Let's start here, because this is just hilarious. The first post, entitled "True Story" so you know it's real.

http://theinvestblog.com/2009/hello-world/

Please read it. It made my day. Just in case you don't have time, I will sum it up for you. Her name is Helen, and she is divorced. She describes herself as lazy, and she said she was looking for something, not really a job, but some way to make money without doing anything.

"I was searching a job or something that would allow me to work less and to get much. And to get free time for my new partner, the man I had relations with. I wanted to look wealthy, or at least affluent in the eyes of my boy-friend."

She mentions her financial genius a few times, "my college in finances" and "my profession is finances" but let us not forget that she is lazy and never had a job period. Especially not in the financial realm. Despite her laziness, one web site, AIM Trust, she studied and studied and really looked into their background and knew that this was her golden ticket.

"My mind rolled at the opportunity and the intuition didn’t object. I trusted in it and made up my mind to get on it."

So she got on it. And only a few months later, her debts were a story of the past.

The investigative journalist in me couldn't stop here. I had to check out AIM Trust for myself.

First of all, the Google window offered a few suggestions when I typed in AIM Trust:
AIM Trust scam
AIM Trust online scam

I opted for just AIM Trust. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt, right?

I first checked their Web site for contact information: phone number, a real physical address, a name of a real person, etc.

The contact us page gave you an opportunity to send them a message. There is no address for this company, but they did give what I can only assume is a telephone number:

CONTACTS T. +46 18 495-6767 (4:00p.m. — 0:00a.m. GMT)

If your phone has a "T" and a plus sign on it, you can call them between the hours of 4 and 0 o'clock. This page also recommends you check out the FAQ page, which I did to my delight. The third question on their FAQ page: May I trust you?

They must get that a lot. The response? They explain that they are a legal entity and they are registered with a license. They also use the phrase, "to be or not to be" in there.

Q.4 "Do you have due diligence?"
A: "Yes, we do."

That was simple enough!

Q.11 "Can I visit the office?"
A. "No, you can't."

Q.12 "What is the office address?"
A. "Edif. Neptuno, Planta Baja, Ave. Ricardo J. Alfaro, Tumba Muerto, Ciudad de Panama, Republica de Panama"

I did not make that up. I copied and pasted directly from their FAQ page. No wonder you can't visit there. It's on planet neptune in panama!

Q.13 "Can I see any investment proof?"
A. I will sum up for them this time bc the answer here is a bit wordy with reference again to their license and the Joint Activities Agreement and Safe Asset Company and ends with a warning that by answering this question, they are perilously close to insider trading.

If you are still interested, Anonymous/Helen would be glad to let you know her secrets at her blog. But prepare yourself, because English is obviously not her first language. So visit blog and send private message, then you be on you way to make 1000-2000 per day.

A skating odyssey

I got the call about 3:00 Saturday afternoon. A friend in need. Could she come over? I would have it no other way. A few hours later, three dear friends were knocking on my front door. And they had brought Little Dooey's for dinner! (Oh no! Amy, I forgot to pay you for that. I will mail you a check.)

Dinner was delicious, but crisis was the appetizer and disappointment the dessert. I had to act fast if we were going to bring good cheer back into the life of The Disappointed. So we popped open a bottle of good cheer and tried to make a plan. With the college students back in town, every place was sure to be packed on a weekend night. Where could we go? What could we do? The longer we sat around the table, the longer her face got.

Amid the discussion, one friend began lamenting the loss of her twenties. (Seriously, you're barely 26. You've got a few years left.) But it got me thinking. How can we go back? And then it hit me. I announced that I had a plan and was everyone wearing socks? No, we didn't go bowling and get tooters (next time, Carrie, I promise). Instead, we hit the road around 9 pm and headed for Skate Odyssey- the hippest, hottest preteen joint in town. What better way to reclaim one's youth?

Do any of us look sad to you? Nay.

It was just what the doctor ordered. How could anyone be sad while rolling around a giant concrete rink with neon laser lights flashing and "I'm here without B.N." playing?? Simply impossible. It was slightly overwhelming at first, as we were clearly out of place and terrified of being run over by 8-year-olds who were whizzing past us (backwards) with no regard for the elderly, but we finally got our feet under us with only one casualty.

I don't know if I should even mention air hockey, but I guess I just did. Did we play? Did I win? Yes and yes. If any of you out there are interested in getting waxed at air hockey, let me know. I can provide you with that service.

At the end of the night, after we were all complaining of sore knees, legs and shin splints (skating is hard work!), we cashed in our arcade winnings and got Sarah Beth some lovely prizes.

A fan and a necklace. Which she loved, by the way.

Anyway, I ended up having a great time. Hopefully you girls did too. Next time, I promise to take us somewhere a little more age appropriate. I love you!!!

I have great news

Our state health officer died last month.

That's not the great news.

The great news is that now we have an interim health officer, and she is much more reasonable and much less cranky than her predecessor.

As many of you know, I have been working tirelessly in an effort to update our state's laws regarding vaccine requirements for school admission. We are the last state, as usual, to finally get with the program and give a little credit to our doctors when it comes to the health of our kids.

Without going on and on and on like I usually do with this topic, let me just say that the new health officer called one of the legislators that we have been working with to tell him that she is in charge now, and it is her show. And she is changing the state's policy regarding medical exemptions!!

Now in Mississippi, if your child's doctor requests a medical exemption from a vaccine, it will be granted!! Finally, we have caught up with the rest of the country in that area. It's nice to know that after all the work we have done over the past 2 years, they are finally coming around a little bit.

However, we still have a battle to get religious and/or philosophical waivers.

For those of you who care, we have a new bill which I think is a much better compromise from last years attempt. It was written by doctors and lawyers at Johns Hopkins, and I have a meeting next week with the Lt. Governor regarding this bill and (hopefully) where it will be referred.

I would also like to say hooray for Senator Gary Jackson, who has always been so kind to me and is filing this bill for us. Many of the senators I met with last year were very dismissive or downright rude, but Senator Jackson has consistently taken my calls and has been very supportive of what we are trying to do. (This guy even remembered the name of the neighborhood where I live!!) So Senator Jackson, when you get ready to run for reelection, let me know, and I will rally the troops!

Have a great day.